So I’m a little cynical today…

A friend from my childhood posted this today.  It suits my mood today, and I like my friend, so of course, I copied itThanks Mer!

TEN THINGS TO PONDER

 #10 Life is sexually transmitted.

#9 Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die #8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

#7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

#6 Some people are like a Slinky… not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

#5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing

#4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???

#2 In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND # 1: We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven’t a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Free Association Day!

Threshold ::  pain – mine is high, FYI 
Jason :: Lee – RAWR!
Suspicion ::  investigation

Tender ::  kisses  mmmm…

Tempted :: must. resist. temptation! 

Crimson :: roses
Repulsive ::  B.O. (not ‘I just finished yardwork’ scent, but ‘never worn antiperspirant’ stink)

Bulldog ::  an Irish prize-fighter. Ever seen Fight Club?
Garage :: my husband’s G-Spot
Racket ::  the level of noise in a houseful of girls (mine)

If you’d like to do some free association of you own, visit Unconscious Mutterings. Thanks!

GOOD NEWS!!

I took the written portion of the two-part exam yesterday, and I PASSED!  This was what I sweated the most about.  Turns out that since my teachers encouraged us to commit it to memory, I didn’t have to study much.  I had an exam with a limit of 2.5 hours, which took me 55 minutes (even after reviewing my answers).  I was confident and knew my stuff.  I celebrated with my DHafterward (*wink, wink*), and wanted to tell my readers today (all three of you) that I PAAAAAASSED!!  Thank you all for your words of encouragement.  Now, I’m off to Austin, in March, to prove to the Texas Dept. of Health Services that I know more about Swedish Massage than just rubbing lotion on nude clients…

Seven Deadly Sins

I saw this over on Ben’s blog, and decided that my readers might want to see it.  Any thoughts?

Hi. I’m Erin, and I watched Jackass 2.

Crowd answers: Hi Erin.

I feel like I should attend a 12-step meeting  [much love and respect for those using the 12-steps 😉 ].  Not because I watched the entire movie.  Not because I laughed so hard. Because I cannot get the freaking bad boys’ bare a$$es out of my mind.  I lost count of how many times the bare buns and naked gen@tali@ were showcased.  I spent most of the movie either trying not to laugh obnoxiously or vomit.  One prank (the funniest, IMHO) involved the group of guys shaving a portion of their private parts body hair and giving the resulting harvest to a professional ‘makeup artist’ who then glued the coarse hairs onto a man’s face as part of a disguise.  I just about peed my pants  I was laughing hysterically!  The movie only got more vulgar from that point on…

The next night, my DH and I watched Clerks II.  Same gross humor, minus the stunts.

So, my question is: Are there anonymous meetings for grown women who have a teenage-boy-prankster sense of humor?  I think I need help!

I’m spoiled. What’s new?

 My DH has me driving the demo program vehicle that is his privilege after working for the company 6+ years ( lots of cars… you might even say they’ve maxxed out their inventory *wink, wink*).  Any vehicle he wants to take for a limit of one month.  I also have the privilege of driving said vehicle.  Right now, I’m in a Ford tank with all the power and safety I count on, plus a few safety features. Love the vehicle.  HATE the safety features! I’ll explain later on in my tale.

You may not know this if you live under a rock elsewhere in the U.S.,  but Texas doesn’t get a lot of cold weather.  The last week, however, in the DFW area where WE live, there’s been freezing temperatures with precipitation.  Rain, sleet, ice.  Overnight? SNOW! In the hottest state in the union!! My kids were marveling like I’m sure kids did the day Velcro was introduced…

I did what any loving mother would do:  I braved the frosty weather to start and warm up the ‘tank’ for my three girls.  I left it running and dashed back inside to bundle up my tiny Eskimos.  When I was ready to drive them to their respective schools, I found that the stinking SUV had locked me out!  See why I hate the ‘safety features’? Bad news: we only have one set of keys at the house.  The plus: well, it might be a plus if we knew the stupid code for the coded entry on the driver’s door… another safety feature, or a trigger for rage? You decide! I called DH (already at work 45 minutes away), who came to my rescue, but not before telling me that this particular situation is something easily avoided by always being sure to roll a window down.  In the ice and snow: riiiiiight. I bit my tongue, but what I was really thinking was: That is information I could’ve used ten minutes ago, thankyouverymuch! Grrrr.

Wouldn’t be the same if my kids were already inside the SUV – they know how to unlock the doors. They were NOT inside the SUV.  I sent them back into the house and seated them in front of the 60-inch TV, placated them with some Japanese Anime rated Y7 (c’mon, Rosie’s a mature 3 year old), which they spent the entire time pointing out how the lip movements did not match the patterns of speech.  Yes, my girls are observant – they RAWK!!

So when Prince Charming arrived with the keys to freedom, we headed off to school.  I promptly delivered the oldest two to the elementary.  As we walked into the office, the principal greeted us and said, “No tardies for you today, ladies!”  SWEEEEEEET!

I dropped Rosie off and rushed home to share my adventure for today!