Da Bears & Da Kids?

Just a random thought:  Anybody know where I can purchase tranquilizer darts that can be jettisoned from a long tube?  I’m thinking of an Aboriginal Dart Gun.  I dreamed of this overnight.  I can see it now: My husband and I have everything on our bodies crossed, intently watching Da Bears vs. The Colts  when our oldest daughter stomps into the living room, whining, “Mom! Rosie’s trying to take my…”  Thwack.  A tranquilizer dart hits her in the neck before she can even finish the sentence.  Her eyes roll back in her head as her body quietly slumps to the floor.  DH says: “Oh, look.  Did we forget that it was naptime? Damn!”  I kindly place a pillow under Halie’s head and throw a blanket over her and am not disturbed by her sudden lack-of-consciousness.  That’s the point where I wake up.  With a smirk on my face.

Do me a favor, those of you who do not know my daughters: pry your hand from your precious pearls and listen to me carefully.  I do not refer to my girls as ‘Circus Monkeys’ in my blog to insinuate that they are anything less than joyful.  They have that much curiosity and that much energy and yes, that much mischevious spirit.  I allow them to intimidate me…maybe push me to the limits of my sanity.  I love them, and if my house is a zoo, then so be it!

 I know that my dream of using tranquilizers is far from noble in regards to loving parenthood. My own mother and I laugh at stories about our yearly two-day train trips to Chicago in the 80’s, of which I can only vaguely remember the first of, thanks to Benadryl (or as I call it: legal pediatric sedative).  I have to tell you the truth of our plan for watching the Superbowl next weekend.  Our three daughters (8, 6 and 3, respectively) will most likely sit in their pre-ordained spots on the sofa, not because they are so thrilled by watching grown men in tight pants handle a pigskin, but mostly because they know they need to be seated close to the half-time snacks to even hope for a bite or two. 

Most women dread football season.  The females in my house LOVE it.  It is almost guaranteed that DH will make something to feed us all!

It’s all over after Da Bears win the Superbowl next weekend. At least until next August!



  1. Karen said,

    January 29, 2007 at 9:02 am

    I never thought about Benadryl when my kids were young, but my daughter relies on it!! Have a great Super Bowl Sunday

  2. ben said,

    January 30, 2007 at 10:46 am

    My grandmother used triaminic. She’d line us all up and give us a spoonful. Or two.

    I live for Superbowl Food. Dang. Now I’m all hungry (and still several days to wait)

  3. JayMonster said,

    January 31, 2007 at 12:39 pm

    I was right there with you… nodding right along… understanding and agreeing with everything you said… until….

    Da Bears? If Rex Grossman is going to Disney World this year, something is seriously wrong with the NFL. 😉

  4. Tee said,

    January 31, 2007 at 6:54 pm

    I honestly hate football but hubby put $5 into a pool which could result in a nice sum if the score is some certain numbers or something – so I’m excited about that. ROFL.

    I won’t judge you about the tranquilizers since I have been WAY too excited to give my children Benadryl when they have allergies, knowing it knocks them out. LOL…. Hope your girls get allergies 😉 Hee hee hee…

  5. mrs. nygren said,

    February 1, 2007 at 8:54 pm

    I could always come over and give Little Man to the girls… they’d be way too distracted by their favorite cousin to interrupt the game, and he’s still young enough to psychologically block the experience before he’s old enough to retaliate.

    Or yeah, KidStoned Chewable Valium all around… not as cathartic as the blow-dart idea, I’m afraid, but much harder to prove in court.

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