Birth Order:

Your Clothes:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don’t bother because you remember that it doesn’t matter anyway.
3rd baby: You remember to rewind the mechanical swing at all costs.


1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you wash it off with soap and water.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Baby’s Social Schedule: 
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:

1st baby: Leave baby at home with Grandma, with orders to call you immediately if baby begins to cry.

2nd baby: Leave older kid with sitter, drop baby off at Grandma’s. Talk about kids the entire time.
3rd baby: Stay at home and play board games after the kids go to bed!

At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins (a favorite):

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!

God’s reward for allowing your children to live!



  1. September 19, 2006 at 7:50 am

    Funny! And oh-so-true!

  2. Diana said,

    September 19, 2006 at 10:15 am

    LOL! Loved it!

  3. Latte Man said,

    September 19, 2006 at 1:17 pm

    Oh good lord this is hysterical. (And quite possibly the reason the wife and I stopped at 1).

  4. Karen said,

    September 20, 2006 at 7:35 am

    SO true!! And yes there is a reward with grandchildren. I never knew how much of a reward they would be.

  5. September 20, 2006 at 9:49 am

    That was hilarious, but so very true!!!

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