I didn’t know that Walmart sold hand-grenades

I once said, referring to my first-born daughter, that my Princess would be the child to pluck things out of my meticulously organized grocery cart and then smash them angrily on the linoleum floor of the store. I could almost hear the intercom page in my thoughts: “Redheaded, hot-tempered, fit-throwing toddler in Aisle 13 in need of a good, old-fashioned, tool-shed whipping”. I just knew that it was her personality that was most suited to making a public spectacle of herself, undoubtedly in a Walmart. Little did I know that while I waited more than seven years for this spectacle, I would not be my Princess. It was my eternal infant, the miracle baby that would make me crave bushes to cower behind.

While on a trip to the store, I was doing what folks consider their Pet Peeve: parking my cart in the middle of the aisle. I did so mostly to annoy other customers just to keep my toddler out of reach of the fully-stocked shelves. Rosie seized the opportunity to grab a can of Vienna Sausages from the shelf nearby.

Before I could even make Rosie reconsider her grave decision, my toddler had the EZ Pull Ring in her teeth, gave the can a yank, then lobbed the can over her head as if tossing a live grenade.

I shook myself out of my waking nightmare, grabbed the two cans of sausages that Rosie had managed to pluck from the shelves, replaced them, while mumbling to myself that from that moment on, I would do no more shopping during my children’s waking hours. I was through. Rosie was through. We got the heck-outta-dodge.



  1. Buffi said,

    February 6, 2006 at 8:54 pm

    Bwahahahahaha!! This is why those stores are open 24hours, man!

  2. irene said,

    February 7, 2006 at 5:44 am


  3. Jenn said,

    February 7, 2006 at 7:29 am

    Wow, I had no idea about the car accident. It’s amazing that everyone made it through that. YOu must have had flashbacks when your sister was recently in a car accident.

    You won’t be alone for midnite shopping, I’ll be there too. It’ll be like mom’s nite out!

  4. February 7, 2006 at 10:55 am

    erin-erin-bo-berin! Im not ignoring you! I had a WILD crazy weekend, roller skating, birthday parties, babysitting, meeting an old friend and the opera (Im so addicted!!)

    THANK the Lord for 24-7 grocery stores! That is sooo funny! So, where is your list, I’m officially tagging you.

  5. Anonymous said,

    February 7, 2006 at 4:15 pm

    Thanks for the laugh. The closest I’ve gotten to that is Christine purposely pulling a plastic bottle of jelly off the shelf and looking down to watch it drop. She said she wanted to see it bounch just like on the commercial for plastics.


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